Rolo's Blog: Ted Tails!

We’ve had an amazing spell of good weather and Teds and I have been taking full advantage. ‘Them Indoors’ have had a big wooden gazebo installed in the garden, pleasingly close to the boundary with Ben, the Leonburger next door, and ‘Him Indoors’ has spent many happy hours painting and varnishing. We’ve finally been allowed in it and Teds just likes lying down in the shade, unless Ben is out, when he tries to get to the fence to bark. ‘Her Indoors’ has been very stern about that and Teds just hasn’t got the metal to be truly naughty, he’s too much of a people pleasing fur, what can I tell you. I can’t get into the gazebo as ‘Him Indoors’ hasn’t built the step yet and it’s too high to jump with my arthritis. If I sit outside and deploy my appealing eyes, ‘Her Indoors’ lifts me in, but then I quickly get restless and jump out again. I can manage that all by myself. After half a dozen or so repeats, ‘Her Indoors’ loses patience which is very unreasonable, and I’m stuck outside. I’ve tried squeezing through the gaps in the side panels but although I’m a slim fur, I haven’t been able to find a way through yet. I’m working on it though...

Teds has also had to learn about supporting the English football team. I’ve sat through many a painful match in my time and it’s our duty, as dogs, to sleep through the dull bits, bark when the shouting at the TV gets too loud, exploit good cheer when we win and offer dog’s breath lickings when we lose. When ‘Junior Him’ was a boy, he used to cry when the latter happened, now he just sends heart-felt expletives and advice to the team, the coach, the referee and the opposition, via the family ‘What’s Ap’ group. How times have changed! Anyway, Gareth Southgate gets a hearty seal of approval from our family which I’m sure will compensate him for not quite reaching the final. All he needs to do now is to get himself his very own Border Terrier and he’d be pretty much perfect. Perhaps he’d like a copy of my training manual ‘Sit, Stay, Roll Over.’ A celebratory endorsement from a fellow trainer of youngsters would be great. How are you fixed Gareth? My World Cup isn’t quite over yet, as I got France in the BTposse sweepstake. I shall be waving my French stick and exposing my garlic bulbs, like a true football fan on Sunday.

Teds training is still a work in progress. I think it would be fair to say that he hasn’t quite got the hang of the TV in spite of my best efforts. He gets traumatised by Supervet, and if there’s a dog chasing a ball and exiting stage right, Teds runs to the right hand side of the TV to look for it. He even goes behind the TV to check it’s not hiding which amuses ‘Them Indoors’ no end! I’ve tried explaining it to him but, to be frank, he’s not as smart as me, although he does his best, bless him.

He’s also a very reluctant fur first thing in the morning. It takes him about half an hour to make it down stairs and he often stops for a little snooze half way down the stairs. When he can finally be coaxed out for a walk, I’m the one leading the charge, so much so that the other day, someone mixed us up and thought Teds was me! A compliment for a senior fur but not so good for a dog almost ten years my junior.

One of Teds strengths however, lies in the emissions department. It’s not a natural forte for me, but Teds can do both ‘forte’ and ‘silent but deadly’ with equal skill. He slips a quiet one in when ‘Them Indoors’ are watching the TV, and then joins in with the expressions of disdain and disgust. But the other night he surpassed himself. He tooted so loudly that he woke both himself and ‘Them Indoors’. They soon got an answer to their ‘What on earth was that?’ and ‘Him Indoors’ had to turn the fan on to disperse a miasma of epic proportions. It’s just as well it was a hot night and the windows were open. Anyway, as ‘Junior Her’ was back for the weekend, he sneaked into her room for some fussing, then dropped one in there too, scooting back to ‘Them Indoors’ bedroom quickly, before she realised what was going on, so escaping the verbal fall-out. You’ve got to admit that’s quite skill if you view it in the right light. I’m just glad he doesn’t sleep in the same room as me. My other senses may be suffering from some senior diminishing, but there’s still a fully functioning olfactory department. It’s good to know Teds has a complimentary skills set; always useful in an apprentice, and we will continue to work on his areas for development. After all, he’s only been with us for four and a half months, and as I’m sure Gareth knows, training these youngsters takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day...!