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Sunday, 20 May 2018

Post-operative high jinx

It's been quite a week in our household. As suspected, Teddy's tackle, or some of it at least, was endangered by his continued strutting, digging and variable relationships with other male dogs and he was packed off to the Vet for a pre-op check up. I didn't go along, which was a tactical error, as Teds was a 'good boy', lying down and waiting patiently, failing to thoroughly investigate the basket cases and getting on agreeably with all the animals in the waiting room. He even sat down on the scales when asked to, and, to cap it all, left without demanding a king's ransom in biscuits. All in all a rather disappointing performance which left 'Her Indoors' triumphant rather than needing a stiff drink and a lie down in a darkened room like she does when she's taken me.

Her pleasure proved to be rather premature however. When she collected Teddy from the Vets the following day, after his little operation to remove two small but precious anatomical features, she decided that a surgical onesie, rather than a cone, might be easier to manage in keeping him off his stitches. This would probably have worked okay if it wasn't for the fact that the op upset Teddy's tum and, to draw a veil over the sordid details, meant that the onesie spent most of the first day in the wash. This posed a subsequent threat to Teddy's stitches, in spite of 'Her Indoors' eagle-eyed vigilance. However, his coup de grace was in the evening. He had a rather explosive accident on the lounge carpet, and, horrified at his mishap, fled into the kitchen where the same thing happened on the kitchen floor just to complete the set. Teds and I were evicted, unceremoniously, into the garden, whilst clearing up took place. Teddy, seizing the moment in a way that was, quite frankly, admirable, ran down to the bottom of the garden to continue his argument with Ben the Leonburger next door, so 'Her Indoors' had to abandon her carpet rescue attempts and flee after Teddy, worrying about him bursting his stitches. She then tethered him temporarily by the back door and resumed her efforts with the carpet cleaner and copious quantities of kitchen roll, only to find that Teddy was having a good licking of his surgery site whilst he had the opportunity. His onsie still hadn't dried so Teddy ended up wearing 'Her Indoors' swimming costume. I'm not often lost for words but you really had to be there.....

Anyway, as Teddy sleeps in their bedroom, 'Them Indoors' were faced with a dilemma. If they tried to get Teds to sleep in the kitchen no-one would get any sleep, but if they had him in their bedroom they risked a repeat of the carpet incident. In the end they got an off-cut of old carpet and fenced Teddy's bed in so he couldn't wander. Teddy rewarded these efforts by sleeping soundly throughout the night. I have to say 'Her Indoors' did a decent job with the lounge carpet - you'd never know, and they needed a new steam cleaner anyway...

I've just been watching and helping where I can, throughout. Teds has discovered that his onesie has rather baggy legs and he can sneak his snout in for a quick go at his stitches when 'Her Indoors' isn't paying attention. I aid this process by lying close to Teddy and noisily licking my paws so that 'Her Indoors' spins round to castigate Teds only to find he's just lying there innocently. It really is great fun. Honestly, if I'd realised how much mileage you can get out of a second fur, I would have acquired an apprentice years ago. I was initially worried that Teddy was a bit of a 'yes' fur, but clearly getting him to read my training manual, 'Sit, Stay, Roll Over' and implement my advice, was a good move, he's shaping up nicely!
Teddy in his onesie


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