Sunday, 22 November 2015

Birthday Blog

Well it’s finally arrived: it’s my birthday and I’m thirteen!  Now being a family pet, I’ve seen both my juniors through this phase.  I’ve also observed closely others people’s teenagers, so I know what to do now it’s my turn.  As far as I can work out this is the checklist of behavioural changes that need to come into force the minute you reach your teens:

  •  Lounge around in bed all day – Easy, I’ve been doing that all my life!
  • Eat and drink unsuitable or inappropriate things in worrying quantities – Yep, I’ve always had an ‘eat first, ask questions later’ policy and quality is always second to quantity in my book.
  • Develop your own distinctive style of dress – there’s nothing wrong with my bandanas and coats...usually...
  • Don’t listen to anything ‘Them Indoors’ say as clearly they know nothing  – No problem there then!
  • Equally, don’t be seen with them in public as they are Soooooooo embarrassing, clearly – A bit tricky as I’m on a lead, but I can usually manage to walk in front or lag behind.
  • Develop a taste for beer – Again, I’m okay here.  Pass me the bottle ‘Him Indoors’.
  •  Don’t talk in whole sentences, instead grunt and use monosyllables – A talking dog, don’t be ridiculous, and I guess ‘Woof’ is a monosyllable anyway.
  • Stay glued to your ‘phone/i-pad/laptop so that you don’t miss anything on social media – I’m a bit of a Twitter fan since discovering the BT Posse in February although I have to share the equipment with ‘Her Indoors’ which is a bit of a nuisance.  I hope Santa Paws is paying attention....

So that’s it, I qualify without having to make any adjustments to my life style or behaviour.  All I need to do now is to find myself a girlfriend, ideally one who adores me and that ‘Them Indoors’ like but who I’m not that bothered about, or one that I adore but ‘Them Indoors’ don’t care for much and who doesn’t reciprocate my affections.  Sorted!  Now how old do I have to be before I can learn to drive....
My new collar and bandana - with bunnies! Is 'Her Indoors' taking the...urm...micky!

How long until I 'kill' the rabbit?

Which first, the ears or the nose?

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