‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung in the kitchen with care,
In hopes that ol’ Santa Paws soon would be there;
The juniors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of i-pads danced in their heads,
And ‘Her’ in her onesie and ‘Him’ in dressing gown
Had just settled their heads for a winter lie-down,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang out of my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the back door I flew like a flash
Squeezed out through the cat flap in one seamless dash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to small dogs below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver so lively and twee
I knew in a moment he must be S.P.
More rapid than squirrels his reindeer they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen,
Come Comet, come Cupid, come Donner and Blitzen.”
They ignored all his calling with true BT nature,
But came in a flash when he pulled out the bacon.
As rabbits that before the quick terrier fly
Sent up into heaven, high in the sky,
So up to the housetop the reindeer they flew
With a sleigh full of noms and Santa Paws too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I squeezed back through the cat flap and into the lounge,
Down the chimney came Santa Paws and bumped on the ground.
He was dressed all in red from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot,
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
And he looked like the postman, just opening his pack.
His eyes how they widened, his brow beaded with sweat
At the sight of the homeguard, bristling there on the mat.
But just like the postman he could make a dog merry
He divided the mince pie, and then shared half the sherry.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That looked just like mine, and which shook like a jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
My tail wagged when I saw him in spite of myself.
He saw I was friendly and patted my head,
We shared packets of Wotsits and both were well-fed.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
Filled my sock in the kitchen then turned with a jerk
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a biscuit, up the chimney he rose
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a cuddle
And away they all flew like s*** off a shovel!
But I hear him exclaim, ere he drove off the roof
“BTs are the bestest and that is the truth.”
A very happy Christmas to you, and all you love...!