Rolo's Blog: Roles for Rolo!

As you know, I'm not a working dog in the traditional sense, I was acquired as a family pet, but it's true to say that over the years I have fulfilled a number of vital roles.

Firstly, and most importantly, I was acquired to satisfy the need of 'Junior Her' in particular, for something canine and cute to lavish her love and affection on, and I feel I've made a real success of this role, as she still does it to this day at every opportunity.

I was also intended to provide the 'Juniors' with an understanding of how to care for and consider the well-being of a fellow sentient being, and to sometimes put others needs before your own, something I don't trouble myself with a great deal to be honest. This is a difficult lesson but one both Juniors have managed to learn, although 'Junior Him' needs to develop a more dog-friendly regular routine and 'Junior Her' a little more robustness about the fate of other, smaller creatures, in my vicinity.

I think it was fair to say that 'Her Indoors' also held some wistful fantasy that I might convert 'Him Indoors' from someone who could only see the disadvantages to dog ownership, such as the noise, expense, mess, sharing of unsavoury habits and bodily emissions, into a dyed-in-the-wool dog lover. No chance, and if I might say so, in my defence, a bit of an impossible task in the first place.

Then there has been my role as a writer, which of course the family could never have anticipated, after all, us literary dogs are a bit thin on the ground, but I've opened up some new and interesting avenues for 'Her Indoors' in particular. What can I tell you; I've taught her everything she knows about writing.

Since the Juniors have left home, heading off into the big wide world to fulfil their various destinies, I have also had the additional role of child substitute. As I am now a teenager in my own right, I can do the sulking, not listening to good advice, beer drinking and eating unsuitable things bit, pretty well. I'm also happy for 'Her Indoors' to do chores for me, ferry me around in her car and lavish me with affection. She just wants to be grateful that she hasn't had to teach me to drive. There have been a few downsides however, such as the knitting of little woolly coats, which are probably best not talked about in a public forum.

My latest role, following 'Her Indoors' resignation from her 'day job' to become a full-time freelance writer and creative writing tutor, is office dog, which is taking me a while to master. I like being in her office in the garden, but struggle with where to lie. I like to stay close to 'Her Indoors' but this runs the real risk of getting run over by her wheely chair. She has bought me a new bed to lie on, but I'm treating that with the suspicion it rightly deserves. Anyway, I've already been banned from the office twice; once for repeatedly shredding the contents of the waste paper basket and the second time for trying to access the lap of a visitor having been told several times that my attentions were not welcome.

Still, when 'Her Indoors' posted a video clip on social media of me shredding, whilst ironically standing next to the electric shredder, 'Her Indoors' got mildly rebuked for letting me near the shredder in the first place as, apparently, there have been horrible accidents involving dogs and shredders. I'm sure the advice was well-intentioned but I'm not sure even I could get a body part into the tiny slot and our shredder gives up the ghost with more than one piece of paper, still, as I said, I'm sure that is good advice and that 'Her Indoors' isn't being sufficiently diligent about my well-being. Maybe I should give up that particular role and just sleep in the kitchen. After all, it's not as if I'm short of things to do, I've got lots of roles!